New Year's Resolution Shot To Hell In Less Than Two Days

Well. I was going to suprise you all. 2008! The Year of the Return of the Blog! Every day a post!

On the bright side...the Better Diet and More Exercise resolutions are feeling a lot less pressure to perform.

I hope you all had great holidays. We here at The Outpost capped our festivities with an ear infection, pink eye, and flu for everyone. The end result was Christmas Eve and Christmas Day spent hanging out in our pajamas, raiding the fridge for whatever we could find, and not talking to anyone.

One of the finest holidays on record. Next year, I may take the kids and go hang out in the lobby of our doctor's office and see if we can't have a repeat performance.

I guess I would have to say life is back to fairly normal now. The kids went back to school today. The dog is sleeping at my feet. I'm avoiding stuff I need to do. Right on par.

Oh. Wait. Here's a great story. Last night I let the boys each pick out their own individual-sized pizza for dinner. The Governor went with the fool-proof pepperoni. The Senator branched out and went with sausage and mushroom. Later in the evening, The Senator impressed us all with a lengthy and loud burst of gas. He turned his head back over his shoulder, took a deep sniff, and said, "Mmmmmmm....mushrooms."

There. Now we're back to normal.

Hope you all had a terrific Christmas. Oh...and Chris? It's 14 degrees outside right now with about a 30 mph wind. I hate you.

I Need To Tell Someone

Since there are only two of you reading this blog...I think I can confess the following and trust that you will both keep it to yourselves:

I like Air Supply's version of Sleigh Ride.

Thank you.

I feel better.

Update: I finally read my comments: Blast! Now there are three of you reading. Guitarman - you also are under strictest orders not to discuss this shameful revelation.

Appropriate For Today...

From my friend, Dave..


A winter statistic:


98% OF AMERICANS SAY "OH SHIT" BEFORE GOING IN THE DITCH ON A SLIPPERY ROAD.


THE OTHER 2% ARE FROM MINNESOTA AND THEY SAY, "HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS."

A Typical Conversation With The Governor

Just now...

"Mom, guess if I have the purple stick behind my back or not!"

Okay. Um... You do NOT.

"AH! You're right! Now guess again." He ran out of the room and returned.

Hmm...this time you DO have the stick.

GAH! How did you know?

I know all things.

You LOOKED!

I did not. Are you accusing me of cheating?

He looked down at his feet and then looked at me. "Well, Mom, I was just concerned you might be."

Happy Thanksgiving, Black Friday, etc..

I hope you and yours had a wonderful day yesterday. Mine was memorable primarily for the fact that a little more than an hour after finishing our meal, The Senator shook me awake and announced, "I'm hungry."

Hungry. And he still had whipped cream on his face from dessert. I guess the ham, potatoes, peas, spinach, pineapple, rolls, rice, and cheesecake were merely a warm-up. I felt the bile rise in my throat as I sat up straight and tried to focus on his face. I was pretty certain I wouldn't need to eat again until Sunday.

I didn't want to leave the couch, but he kept staring at me, just like the dog does when he wants something. So I got up and fixed him another plate of food.

I'm starting to feel ill just thinking of it.

In other memorable happenings, I screwed up the Camp family tradition of putting up the Christmas Tree on Black Friday. I sent The VP down to the cellar to get the artificial tree and the tubs of Christmas decorations. He came back upstairs with the tree box and said, "Is it supposed to be this light?"

Well, I suppose it IS supposed to be that light when there is nothing inside the box. The memory came slamming back: our tree was nine years old. It was in bad shape. It could no longer look forward to any sort of quality of life, so I put it out of its misery and tossed it in the dumpster. For some reason, I saved the box. I do not know why. I'm a tosser, not a saver. Toss now, regret later...that's my motto. Execpt for Christmas fauna, I guess.

The boys were all excited to decorate the tree today, and I feel just awful about letting them down. Not awful enough to brave the parking lots/shoppers at Target to get a new one, mine you. But still awful.

I think I will go console myself with leftover cheesecake.

Touche

The Governor was acting up today and after two requests to settle down, I looked at him rather sternly and said, "Am I going to have to start snapping your DVD's in half?"

He looked at me as if I had just confessed to drowning kittens and said, "You would do that to your own children?"

I had to walk away before I apologized.

Dear Anonymous

No, the fingers are not frozen. Just my brain. A shame, really, because there has been a wealth of blogging material as of late. The farmer who piled up the metric ton of chicken manure on our field recently excavated the enormous mound and spread it on the field.

I'm not sure the neighbors will ever forgive us.

Several other good stories involving The Governor and the local PTA are dying to be put forth as well, but unfortunately, I am already late for an appointment.

Good to hear from you. Have a great Thanksgiving!